He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
