Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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