I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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