Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
