All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
