I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
