Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
