Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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