Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
