If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
