i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
