I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize