so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
