terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize