You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
