It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
