you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
