I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
