I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
