I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
