Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
