I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Randomize
