i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
