This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
