your parents love me but you hate me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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