I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
