I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
my liver is dry heaving
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
