I cannot find my penis.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
