Three words: puerto rican gang bang
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
