I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
