I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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