Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
