I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
