Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
