We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
