Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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