i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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