Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
