Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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