I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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