I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You have to summon your inner elephant
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
