u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
