i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
