well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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