Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
