Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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