In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You dont lie about slip and slides
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
