As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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