im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
