I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
How many fucks given?
0.12846
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
