I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
