he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
