I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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