Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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