i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
