Who wears a wallet chain?!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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