I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
