Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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