I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
