well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
