Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
