it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
