she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
