How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
