evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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