So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
